"I'm Sick of Waiting for My Guy to Propose! Is it Time to Dump Him?!"
I think the two of you need to have a long conversation that starts with you asking him to STOP planning your virtual wedding.
The next time he brings up "our wedding" or "my groomsmen," I'd say, "Listen, I'm looking forward to being engaged and planning our wedding, but every time you bring it up now, I feel like you're taunting me. I'm sure it's unintentional, but it feels like a cruel little reminder that we're not engaged—which you know I want very badly."
You mentioned you had a meltdown last year, so I think the next part needs to be said in a calm, collected manner. Something to the effect of, "Given the length of our relationship and the amount of talking we do about weddings and marriage, I had hoped to be engaged by now. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but if you haven't proposed by my birthday [or whatever date], I'm going to have to reconsider my future. I'm not saying any of this to pressure you and I don't want to freak you out, but I think it's important that you know what page I'm on right now."
What I wouldn't say is, "I'm already planning my life without you," because if he's having any lingering doubts, that will only exacerbate them.
The important part about giving an ultimatum of sorts is that you REALLY have to stick to it. If he hasn't proposed by the date you pick, you need to be prepared to walk. Otherwise you're just setting yourself up for a lifetime of getting walked all over.
Pulling the plug on your relationship might be the kick in the butt he needs to propose—or it might just be the end of your relationship. But you'll never know if you sit around waiting forever.
The good news is, when (or if) the proposal finally does come, I'm pretty sure all the bad feelings you're having will, in fact dissipate. I have a friend or two who's played the waiting game—have you met my girl Engagement Chick?—and once the game's over, it seems like everyone wins.
Ladies, are any of you playing the waiting game? What do you think Mandy should do?
Have a wedding-y dilemma of your own? E-mail me!
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