Any train related jokes? - Trains Magazine

 These are some really, really, really lame railroad jokes that I have found over time, and remembered. I definitely deserve some eggs, tomatoes or otherwise rotten fruit and vegetables to the face after telling these killers.

 Why is the railroad mad?
Because people keep crossing it!

 Why don't elephants like riding trains?
They have to put their trunks in the baggage car!

 How do you know a train's been through?
It left it's tracks behind!

Why can't the train sit down?
It has a tender behind (or a red caboose)!

Why can't the engineer be electrocuted?
He is not a conductor!

What is the difference between a school teacher and steam engine?
Teacher says "Spit out the gum" and steamer says "chew, chew, chew"

What is a lawyer's favorite railroad?
Soo Line

Which railroad is a scam?
Conrail

What did CSX-NS share?
A Conrail split.

 Some railroad initials (profane language has been censored):

BNSF - Big Nothing So Far, Been Nothing Since Fe, Buy Norfolk Southern Fast, Bigger Name, Still F**d 

 UP - Usually Pathetic, Utterly Pathetic, Ugly Paint, UnProfessional

NS - No (Paint) Scheme, Nothing Special, Not Sane, Not Safe

CSX - Chicken S**t Xpress, Chemical Spill Xperts, Conrail Still Xperimenting, Chessie's Southern Xtension, Crash Spill & Xplode, Cut Scrap and hears the scissors to do it with

W&LE - Walk & Leave Early, Weak & Lousy Engines, We Lie to Everyone, We Lease Everything

TH&B - Tired Hungry & Broke, Thump, Hump & Bump

ATSF - Ate Tamales & Spat Fire, All Tramps Stay Free, Always Trying Still F**d

DRGW - Dirty & Rapidly Getting Worse

SPSF - Shouldn't Paint So Fast

KCS - Keep Cutting Salaries

B&O - Beans & Oats, Bumpy & Obsolete, Best & Only

CN - Crash National, Currently Negotiating

CP - Clumbsy Pathetic, Crappy Paint

Acela - All Customers Expect Late Arrivals

EL - Erie Lack-o-waxin, Erie Lack-o-track

CNW - Cheap & Nothing Wasted

CGW - Can't Get Worse

That should be enough, right?